by Melissa Bradfield 2/16/23
Passion – Connection – Intimacy – Love – Sex
What do these words have in common? Nothing and everything! These words are loaded with expectation, anticipation, fear, and anxiety to name a few. The experience we have of these words can be layered with perceptions, opinions, shame, guilt, trauma, fear, and the sensation of butterflies. How is that possible? How are these words so full of so many different meanings?
The answer is as clear as the human race is diverse. We spend most of our life looking for these experiences with partners. Some people come to realize that one person cannot provide all these experiences all the time and they explore polyamory, or non-monogamy while others try to experience all these with one partner. The outcome varies, some will fail and some will succeed.
Most of the couples who come to see me have a difference in desire and have no idea how to get past it. The reason for the discrepancy has many possibilities: Biology, trauma, relationship injuries, childbirth, life stressors, low self-esteem, or shame. Each relationship brings their own uniqueness to therapy. No matter the reason for this discrepancy – reaching out for support is the first step because it doesn’t have to be a discrepancy.
Relationships thrive when they have the opportunity to experience passion, connection, intimacy, love and sex. When the individuals who make up the relationship are able to identify their specific needs and desires and then understand the multitude of ways they can have those needs and desires met; the relationship itself becomes the priority. And what follows is passion, connection, intimacy, love and sex.
But what happens when only one person in the relationship is willing to seek support from a professional? The answer to this question relies heavily on the individual’s ability to understand what they can/cannot control and what they are/are not willing to do for the relationship. This process is difficult and can be painful, but extremely rewarding.
How far are you willing to go to experience PASSION – CONNECTION – INTIMACY – LOVE – SEX with the person or person’s you’ve chosen?